To those who were there for me:

Positive. A clear positive test. An immediate wave of self hate rushed over me. Thoughts such as “there’s no way I could be so stupid to get pregnant, there’s no way that I could let this happen, there’s no way I was so irresponsible”…I just wasn’t ready for that truth. 

As I was telling my boyfriend at the time, the words coming out of my mouth felt and sounded surreal. He was speechless at first. A terrifying feeling. But, wow, did he know how to respond to that situation. And I believe that totally determined the rest of the journey. It was so important to have heard him say: “whatever you decide to do I will be here to support you”. 

And for that, I will always love you.

I guess I realize that this letter is to you. Thank you, for hopping on that journey with me, without hesitation, giving 100% of your support. Thank you, for your love and kindness. Thank you, for who you were to me, when I was just 21 years old. 

This letter also goes out to my home state, in the USA, that allows for legal abortion treatments. Thank you to the doctors and nurses who guided me seamlessly through the whole process. The access to safe and legal abortion changed my life. Sadly, you recently banned access to safe abortion after 15-weeks, with no exception to rape or incest. My heart broke when that news emerged. 

This letter also goes out to my room mate who bought the tests for me, stood in the bathroom with me as I took both, and was the first to know. The first to hug me. The first to comfort me. 

This letter is to ALL the friends that listened to me as I called you one by one, having to relive the reality and truth. You were all there for me, you made me feel supported and grounded. You all gave me a safe space, a space of no judgement whatsoever. Most importantly, thanks to you all I felt comfortable in the decision not to tell my family. I just wasn’t ready. And I’m still not ready today. 

The journey of abortion is not easy, even if that’s the first decision you make when you find out you’re pregnant. 

So, to those who were there for me, thanks to your love and support, I can talk freely and safely about this journey. I can live with the decision I made, in confidence and acceptance.